Said I Loved You, But I Lied.

"Said I loved you but I lied,

Coz' this is more than love I feel inside."

-Michael Bolton.

There are only two situations that would highly motivate me to write:

anger or love.

I remember a blogger once wrote that he does not want to be in a relationship because he doesn't want to have to lie.

There is truth in that statement actually.

You've gotta admit, once you're in a relationship with someone, you're bound to say things like "I'll love you forever" or "I'll never ever leave you", when you know you are the last person on earth to know what the future holds, but you say it anyway.

Because there are just some things that you would rather hear I think. For example, when you asked your husband would he ever leave u for a more young, vibrant, good looking woman, what would you rather hear him say;

"Ofcourse I won't my dear."

or

"Baby you know I can't promise you that."

LOL that's one week of sleeping on the couch for u.

So maybe it really wasn't a lie. Maybe people say those things because that's how they felt at the time. At the time, you really do feel like you can never leave her. At the time, you really do feel like you can love him forever. And so you said it out loud.

But if by God's will you went on separate ways after that, well don't feel like you've been cheated. Or that it was all bull's crap. Take comfort in knowing that at one point in your life, someone actually felt that way towards you. At one point in your life, you have been loved.

Granted, there are lying cheating jerks out there who only say those things just to get what they wanted, but let's just not go there, for Hell already have a special place for them I bet :-"

So anyway,

as cliche as this may sound,

'tis better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all.

:)

Out Of Goodbyes.

I think by now you would know that I hate changes.

I hate changes as much as I hate cigarette smokes.

You know how serious that is.

People leaving me is one of the changes I hate the most.

I like things to stay the way they are forever.

I want people to stay the same forever.

On my first day of kindergarten, I somehow went into the wrong classroom. I entered the 4yr olds, when I was 5 at the time. Half way through the day, the teachers must have noticed, and they took me away from my bestfriend that I only knew for less than 3 hours, but I went kicking and screaming just the same 0_0

Anyway.

I have a feeling that a lot of changes is coming my way in the near future.

A lot of goodbyes to be said.

Promises to be made.

I'm so used to life here for 5 years I'm not sure what I'm gonna do once I'm back home.

I'm already too attached to my friends here, that I'm gonna be so lost once I'm away from them.

"We gonna have to make new friends mak."

"Dang I'm too old for that."

So.

I do hate changes.

I don't respond well to them.

I get very emotional.

Very.

Please you,

Be patient with me?

0_0

Aidilfitri.

it's comforting to know that i'm not that hopeless in the kitchen anyway.

that i do inherit some of my mom's cooking genes, walaupun tak banyak :D

kalau stakat a decent hari raya feast tu, no hal lah ;)

Thanks For The Memories.

"On this day 5 years back, I was 19 years old, set out into the world for the first time.

On this day 5 years back, I was at the airport, saying my goodbyes to my loved ones.

On this day 5 years back, I thought 5 years is a really, really long time.

On this day 5 years back, I turned, and there you were.

On this day 5 years back, I thought you'd always be there..."

So it's our 5th year anniversary today! Im telling you A LOT has happened in the past 5 years, and I mean A whole LOT. Let me tell u some of them:

- My cousin, Zalina went away to UK to further her studies.

- My cousin, Ammani went away to Sydney to further his studies.

- My brother, Firas went away to US to further his studies.

- Zalina came back for good after FINISHING her studies.

- My dad got hospitalized in 2007.

- My mom got hospitalized twice for minor surgeries.

- I got hospitalized once for Hepatitis A.

- A couple of my cousins got married.

- A couple of close friends got engaged.

- My bestfriend Sabrina is getting married this September.

- I've had 5 birthdays here.

- A lot of my friends have already graduated.

- A lot of my friends have already started work.

- My best friend Farah Hanani is now a doctor.

- My aunty gave birth TWICE to beautiful little boys, Yassin and Muhammad.

- And of course a couple of heartbreaks here and there too.

I'm telling you, in just 5 years time, a lot can happen. People can change, promises can be broken, lies can be told, hearts can be hurt.

So how did I manage to survive living here for 5 whole years you ask? Well here's how, I think.

1. First of all God blessed me with a loving and caring family, who bought me tickets to go back home as often as I can, and they also came by here a few times.

2. Then God blessed me with friends here whom I truly love and appreciate everything they have done for me. Every laughter shared, every shopping trips, every vacation took together, every cravings fulfilled;) You guys kept me sane :) oh and God blessed me with this house whom I get to share with for 3 years with my bestie~ :)

3. God blessed me with best friends in Malaysia who were there giving me endless support. God blessed me with u. God blessed me with the weekly emails. God blessed me with a reason to come home to.

4. God blessed me with all those wonderful people I met while travelling alone in this country. There's pakcik Bandung who helped me get a place to stay. Pakcik Jakarta who sent me to the airport in the middle of the night. And pakcik Birthday, who treated us all to dinner :) maybe I do have that lost puppy dog face on sometimes:-"

5. And then, God blessed me with love for a couple of years :) God blessed me with your phone calls and love letters and parcels and your trips to Jogja :) I can't thank you enough.

6. Somewhere along the way God blessed us with Rempah Asia :D the closest to Malaysian food that we can get. A place for us to hang out, especially Sunday mornings :)

7. God blessed us with Parsley. Heaven knows just how much money we Malaysian spent on food there, sampai they can tear the whole place down to build a whole new one :)) they should call us to officiate the new building nanti :-"

8. God blessed us with Air Asia having flights from Jogja to KL, so that we dont have to go through Solo anymore :)

9. Not to forget Amplaz. God blessed us with that mall yang dah survived earthquakes and a fire incident too :))

10. God blessed us with internet (JMN, SMART, FLASH, etc.) Although line macam sampah most of the time, but at least we get to stay connected with our family and friends back home.

So that is how I managed to survive living here for 5 years. Ofcourse things aren't alwayssunshine-y and rainbow-y here. To think bout the things we have to deal with over the years such as the st*pid international programme, immigration, earthquakes, volcano eruption, outstation to sucky places, not so nice doctors, groupmates from heyl, failing exams, being hospitalized for a lot of different diseases, etc. But together, we survived.

So here's to my batchmates, Bachelor in Medical Sciences class of 2006 Gadjah Mada University,

thanks for the memories and may we cherish every single one of it. Cheers!

I Do.

If there's one thing that I've learned from all of this its:

in taking the next step in a relationship, it is important that the guy feels that he is ready to be married. The girl can gently steer the relationship towards that direction but the idea, the decision, should come from the guy first. Because i think that its okei if a woman is not ready, she'll have her husband to depend on anyway. but if the guy is not ready, most probably there will be some lying, and cheating, and regretting, and the whole vicious cycle will repeat itself until he's really really ready.

and owh, do not submit to peer pressure.

so to you out there, mr-i-don't-mind-making-my-wife-milo -at-3oclock-in-the-morning a.k.a mr-i-think-its-cute-that-my-wife-likes-to-whine-when-life-doesn't-go-her-way a.k.a mr-i- like -it- when- my- wife-turns-into-a-giant-attention-seeker-when-she's-sick,

i'm ready when u are :)

Never Again.

Its amazing how fast your feelings can change.

Like when you're watching a movie. From the very first scene you've got your heart set on the hero. Dah la comel, tinggi, kacak, bergaya plak tu. Then you get to the middle of the story where the hero can't be with the one he loves for some dramatic reason, and you just cant help but cry to see him hurt so bad. and the feeling you have for him grow stronger. and then tiba2 came the scene where the one he loves opens the door to find him in bed with someone else, and just like that all this feelings you have for him crash to the floor into a million pieces. you'll say cis bedeb, to think that i wasted my tears over you...you...you....sonofastarfish. Then all of a sudden all that love turns into hatred.

It really is amazing how fast your feelings can change, kan.

Wild World.

"Oh baby baby it's a wild world,

It's hard to get by just upon a smile"

Something scares the stars out of me lately. It's the fact that:

You can raise a child with every love in the world, u can raise them in every way right, you can raise them strict or raise them like a hippy, you can mold them to be just like you or you can brought them up any way you want to. You can do the very best you can, yet at 24 if they decide to walk into a bar and get drunk, or get themselves a tattoo, or runaway with a men they hardly knew, you wouldn't even have a clue about it, and get this, there's nothing you can do to stop it.

You can give a child just about everything he wants, shoes, toys, clothes, expensive gadgets, trip around the world, you can make sacrifices, you can give them everything you have and find more to give, you can stay up the whole night nursing them when they were little, you can shower them with gifts and attention, yet at 18 if they decide to raise their voice to you, hurt your feelings and make you cry, well they would do it without even thinking twice.

And it applies to every kind of relationship too. Be it between families, friends or even lovers. You can give your heart and soul to someone, do just about anything they want you to, you can bend over backwards to help them in every possible way you can imagine, you can embrace them as one of your own, you give them only the best and nothing less, but tomorrow if they decide to walk away from u, they would, without even a backward glance.

It's a cruel, cruel world out there people.

I'm hiding under my comfy blankie until the world makes sense again.

0_0