fffine. I'm back in jogja. but i'm happy. no no, i am not that insane just yet, i'm not happy to be back, i am happy for the last one hour i had in malaysia before boarding that mean cruel flight who took me far far away from my everything 0_0
i had a really nice birthday though, nothing much, but the people who remembered and went out of their way to wish made it all the more special. went out with the family for dinner at halock cafe penang.
i read a really interesting novel, "High Fidelity" by Nick Hornby. i was always skeptic about male authors before. until i read this one. it was really nice, because he tells it like it is. no sugar-coating stuff, just pure ugly truth, how men view relationships, breakups and makeups. my favourite part of the story, is when the guy mention a few things that he did that are just mean and unforgiveable, but then he said "before you judge, although you've probably already done so, go away and write the worst four things you have done, don't dress these things up, or try to explain them, just write them in a list in the plainest language possible. Finished? OK, so who's the arsehole now?"
it's true you know. we are always quick to judge. and how come it's wrong when someone does something bad, but it's okei when you do it?
i understand quite well now why we choose to live in denial sometimes, why we sometimes find ourselves in hopeless romantic situations that we know we shouldn't be in. i think it is because we're tired of asking questions. and just like a curious 6year-old who's fed up because he's not getting any answer, we stop asking altogether. unanswered questions like,
"If he/she said that, then why aren't we...."
"If he/she did that, then it must have meant something, but how come..."
"If he/she's happy, and i'm happy, then why can't we..."
You see, there's just no answer to these questions, and if you keep on thinking bout it, you'll go bonkers. so best is not to think, and just feel what we feel. Ppl will usually decide to just go with the flow and let nature takes its course. If fate would have it that i'll end up in a cat fight in the middle of the street somewhere someday, well, so be it.
he also said that we're afraid that our children will get involve in drugs, or weapons or war and we do our best to protect them from it but what about heartaches? because it is as dangerous and as painful.
these are a few things that i find quite interesting from the novel, in the author's own words :
"it's only just beginning to occur to me that it's important to have something going on somewhere, at work or at home, otherwise you're just clinging on."
"If i lived in Bosnia, then not having a girlfriend wouldn't seem like the most important thing in the world, but here in Crouch End it does."
"You need as much ballast as possible to stop you floating away, you need people around you, things going on, otherwise life is like some film where the money ran out, and there are no sets, or locations, or supporting actors, and it's just one bloke on his own staring into the camera with nothing to do and nobody to speak to, and who'd believe in this character then?"
on breaking up..."Weird eh? You spend Christmas at somebody's house, you worry about their operations, you give them hugs and kisses and flowers, you see them in their dressing gown....and then bang, that's it. Gone forever. And sooner or later there will be another woman, another christmas. They're all the same. Only the adresses, and the colours of the dressing gown, change."
"We got to adolescence and stopped dead. and why does it bother Barry so much that she is seeing someone? Because he's worried about how life is turning out, and he's lonely, and lonely people are the bitterest of them all."
I couldnt agree more with that last quote. The worst thing that could ever happen to anyone is to lead a bitter life with a bitter heart, so help me God I hope I never will.
