Invisible.

an insignificant speck,

that's what i am.

the girl behind the scene,

a prop on the stage,

a tree among trees,

people hardly notice,

but it doesnt mean i dont.

eventhough im invisible to u

my feelings are not.

i hurt, cry, laugh, love.

im just like u

but not.

i might be worthless to the rest of the world

but all i want to be is something, anything in your heart.

so why dont u stop and look around

it's the trees that makes the scenery

it's the prop which makes the set beautiful

it's me who wants to love you.

let me,

love you.

-chloe-
28.11.2009

Twilight.

"You can't break up with me. You're my bestfriend." - Twilight New Moon.

deym.

Confessions Of A Broken Heart.

The RULES:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italic the statements that you WISH are true.
The LIST to Bold/Italic/Just-let-it-be:

I miss somebody right now.
I don’t watch TV these days.
I own lots of magazines.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I’ve tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I’m totally smart.
I’ve broken someone’s bones.
I’m paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair.
I want to cut my hair.
I have at least one sibling.
I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I'm happily married
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop then eat.
I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them.
I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I’ve rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
I’m not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past.
I own the “South Park” movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
I have dated a close friends’s ex.
I am happy at this moment!!
I’m obsessed with guys (on TV).
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I’m proficient in a musical
I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausage.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colors.
I can’t live without black eyeliner.
I don’t know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pickup things with my toes
I can’t whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I’ve ever written in.
I can’t stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can’t stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I’m an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy
I am an adrenaline junkie.

Happy Birthday!

My mom turns 52 today. Happy Birthday Mak, I Love You.

http://russblogsagain.blogspot.com/2009/11/omg-shes-52.html

I've Got A Crush On You.

before that let me just say,

i have decided that,

it's your lost.
=.=

nowwww, i am so excited to tell that

i have a crush on someone <3

heeee, its been soooo long since i last had a crush on someone! :->

its an innocent-still-under-control-not-that-anything-can-happen-anyway thing, dont worry :))

i wish faraha is here, so that we can go stalk him together :D

imagine how a person can change ur day totally around :-O

at 9 am i feel like punching someone's face X-(

at 12pm i'm at the top of the world at the sight of him :x

okei i know, super ewww right, i feel like a high school girl again, all giddy and grinning. but let me be. i need this distraction to live. :-B

hey, thx for crossing my path today...

God knows how much i needed it :)

What Do You Get When You Fall In Love?

friends of ours ended their relationship recently.

they've been together for 3 years.

breaking up is really a very very sad thing. it doesnt matter if the guy or girl is bad, or that either one of them deserves it, i believe the pain is just the same, it cuts both ways.

but this friend of ours, they had the most beautiful loving romantic relationship ever. you can practically see birds singing over their heads when they're together. the kind that is not annoying (u know how some couples just makes u wanna barf, or yell "get a room!", or just pour boiling water over them:-") this couple is different. you should have seen the way the guy used to look at the girl sincerely. his eyes just sparkle, its like he couldnt believe it that this eyes that he's gazing into is looking straight back at him, full of love. It just makes u wish that someday you would be lucky enough to find a guy who would look at u the same way.

So anyway, we all thought that nothing could tear them both apart, not even if Godzilla storms in and eat the whole city. but sadly, they too, like other couples i have come to know, came to the end of their road. this bothers me because, i keep thinking if this 2 angelic people couldnt make it, who can? how am i supposed to believe in love like this? *dramaqueenmoment*

which reminds me of something Shawn said in one of the episode of Boy Meets World, when his bestfriend, Cory broke up with Topanga.(Cory and Topanga is the sweetest highschool sweethearts btw). Cory asked Shawn why is he more devastated then him over the break up, and Shawn said,

" Because, I want to have what you have with Topanga. How can I have what u have when you don't have it anymore! I want u to still have it."

so you see, i just hope that this is not the end of the road for them. lets just hope that its just a detour. and somehow someday, their paths will cross again, and they'll be together forever:)

anyway, what i'm trying to say is, falling in love is a splendid thing, but the possibility of falling out of it, scares the hell out of me.

Pride And Prejudice.

Keira Knightley has everything I ever wanted in the Pride and Prejudice (2005):

a) the looks

b) the grace

c) the ability to ballroom dance

d) the beautiful, beautiful, beautiful dresses I hope to own them all 1 day

and

e) the charming Mr. Darcy :)

"You have bewitched me body and soul and I love, I love, I love you." - Mr Darcy
"Your hands are cold." - Elizabeth Bennet

"From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, you self disdain for the feelings of others made me realized, that you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry." - Elizabeth Bennet

"May I have the next dance, Miss Elizabeth?" - Mr. Darcy

"I love you most ardently. Please do me the honor of accepting my hand." - Mr. Darcy

"Once lost, is lost forever." - Mr. Darcy

"Yes, a thousand times yes."

p/s: keira knightley is the only woman i would allow my husband in the future to drool over, because she is truly beautiful ;)

Just To See You Smile.

okeiii.

i think i got it all wrong.

im not fully depressed because of us.

i just want to see you have the spark back in you.

and i think you're starting to get that spark back in you.

and im happy.

apparently, i just want to see you happy.

woww.

Build Me Up, Buttercup.

i did it all by myself :D

Just So You Know.

• you know how sometimes, u like to tease a cat by danglling something the cat likes on a piece of string in from of its face?
• then when it reaches for it, you yank it higher, and immediately lower it back down.
• just as it thought that it could get it this time, you pull it high up again.
• and when it feels like giving up, you gave it false hope by lowering it down playing it in front of its face like its nobody's business.

that's just pure cruelty. don't do that. to cats,
or humans.







jgn smpai this cat mengamuk.

T__T

I Never Told You.

I miss everything about you

Cant believe it i still want u

After all the things that we've been through

I miss everything about you.

-Colbie Caillat-

Kantoi.

okei i am definitely freaking out right now.

i just saw something posted on facebook, that there is an application to know who's been stalking your photos the most.

u know what that means.




im in deep sh*t.

:D


----------------
Now playing: zee avi - kantoi
via FoxyTunes

Leaving On A Jet Plane.

everytime someone will be going abroad to study, i hold my breath as to know where they are going. hoping it wouldn't be the one place in the world that i want to live in ever since forever. let it be Australia, or New Zealand, or Russia or France or even the US, i don't care. just please please please please please not the country where Elizabeth Bennet was from.






deym.

it is,
again.
*pangs of jealousy*

Wherever You Will Go.

136 emails

in 3 and a 1/2 years,

1 each week,

to date.

thats gotta be a record ;)

For No Reason.

not everyone has the ability to watch football. not just anyone can sit for 90 minutes, in front of the tele, in the middle of the night, watching a bunch of grown men chasing a ball. i have it, however. i can watch football, but only if i want to. like if while im watching something eelse on TV and then my dad asked me to switch to the sports channel, that i don't like. the first football match that i watched was when i was 15, it was the world cup then, and the match was between Germany and Saudi Arabia. The score was 8-0. that is when i realized that i have the ability, to watch football. i'm not addicted though. i just can watch it. i even know a couple of guys who can't. i don't have a team that i support like mad. i tend to support the team that my loved ones are supporting. i can't watch tennis though, i'd rather watch a hippo take a bath then watch tennis. anyway, i guess, what i'm trying to say here is,


wuhoo chelsea ;)

I Gotta Get Through This.

yay i made it through the day.

nope, no tears.

yet.

with the help of a bottle of coke, a lollypop and mp3 filled with cheery S Club 7 songs, i survived.

now i just have to keep on doing that,

for the next 84 days.

T___T

Suddenly Lewat.

by Wani Ardy

Suddenly I think of you

Suddenly you're everywhere

As I wake and as I sleep

Suddenly I dare to dream

Suddenly I sing of you

Suddenly against all odds

Found myself crossing the line

Suddenly I become blind

They wouldn't understand

You wouldn't comprehend

Even I surprise myself

Kau didepan mata

Kau selalu ada

Dunia kita beza

Suddenly I miss you when I'm not supposed to

And I'm afraid of losing something that's not even mine

Namun aku terlewat menyedarimu cinta

Terlewat melewati kita

Dan suddenly cinta, tiba lewat.

to u who just made my sundae special (",)

Try, Try, Try.

"i am selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times, hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you absolutely don't deserve me at my best..."

a dear friend of mine posted this as her status on facebook.

it has nothing to do with me, but the saying just caught my eye.

I'm not sure if she wrote it herself, or it's part of a lyrics or something.

i just want to say, that i have to disagree with it. i mean not with the friend, just with the words. selfish, impatient, insecure, makes mistake, are all human nature. i am too. we all are. but sometimes, just sometimes, u have to at least TRY to compromise. because newsflash, you're not living alone on this planet. try to think how your action is hurting people who are closes to u. tell me how is it fair when what you're doing is hurting those who cares about u?

"you always hurt the one you love,

the one you shouldn't hurt at all"

I'm beginning to doubt that song.

and those ppl who said that they needed time to think, what makes them think that when they decided that their "time" to think has finally ended, the other person will still be right where you left them 20 weeks ago, waiting?

in my opinion it is bullshit when ppl say that, because if something is really really worth it, you wouldnt have need time to think, you'd just grab at the opportunity.

"if we just try, try, try,

just to be nice, nice, nice,

the world would be a better place for you and i.

if we could just live our lives

putting our differences aside,

that would be so beautiful to me."

- Jason Mraz -

maybe it should be this way, "but if you can't even try to handle me at my worst, then you absolutely don't deserve me at my best."

god knows i've tried.

If I Give My Heart To You.

If I give my heart to you,
Will you handle it with care?
Will you always treat me tenderly
And in every way be fair.

If I give my heart to you
Will you give me all your love?
Will you swear that you'd be true to me
By the light that shine above.

Will you sigh with me when I'm sad,
Smile with me when I'm glad
And always be as you are with me tonight.

Think it over and be sure,
Please don't answer till you do,
When you promise all those things to me,
Then I'll give my heart to you.

by Doris Day

Diary.

u know what, i just realized something. ever since i created this blog, i stopped writing my diary! that explains why everything i posted here are full of emotion, things that u usually write in a diary, somewhere private, for your eyes only, not here. so that when you read back what you wrote in your diary, although u might feel like banging your head on the wall because of your stupidity, u won't feel so embarassed, because it's only you who have read it. that's what diaries are for. im sorry. i'll try to keep my feelings to myself and my dear diary in the future.

i like the song "diary" by Bread.

I wish I have a human thought translator. u know, like the one in the movie cartoon "Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatball". that is one hilarious cartoon by the way. well it's actually a monkey thought translator. it's a device to know what a monkey is thinking. but you can use it on human too. like when he used it on his dad. and then only he knows that his dad is actually proud of him but just never said it out loud. i would probably use it on men. it's just so hard to know what's going through that handsome head of theirs sometimes. those who said women are complicated creatures clearly havent met the opposite gender yet. women are not that hard to understand. if you wanna know what's truly in a women's heart, read her diary :)