Dear Friend,
If you're reading this, well, I'm just glad that you are. And I know that you know that this is for you. It's 3 o'clock in the morning, and I've been tossing and turning in my bed for a few hours now, eversince we got back from our meeting. Words that we said to each other over my untouched food, some out of rage, some out of dissapointment, but mostly on my part, out of love, kept ringing in my ears. I can't even close my eyes, for the image of you hurting will be there, at the back of my eyelids. Hence why it's so difficult for me to fall asleep. So I spent hours just staring at the ceiling, wide-eyed, and exhausted, both physically, and emotionally.
Friend, I'm really glad that you agreed to go out with me tonight. I'm glad we had that 4 hours talk. I really needed that. Like I said, I'd rather have you throw angry words at me, then have you being silent. For your silence, that has been killing me all this while. Seeing you again, having you look right at me again, reminded me of how much I miss you, how much I miss us. Reminded me of why I'm so determined to settle this problem we're having. And also reminded me of how easy it is for me to talk to you about things. How I wanted so much to be able to tell you things again. You always had that effect on me. I'm glad we had it all out, but don't you think that this all fiasco began because of a little bit of misunderstanding? Nothing that can't be solve with a little bit of forgiveness? I expected you to do things to me that you expected me to do to you. In the end, nobody did anything, and that just made the gap between us grow even wider over time.
I'm sorry I couldn't held back my tears, I'm sorry you couldn't too. It's just that, I cried because I now realized that I've been hurting you without realizing it, when that is the very last thing that I would ever do to you. Actually, it's the direct opposite of what I wanted to do to you. I wanted you to feel my love, but instead, I hurt you. It doesn't matter that I was hurt too, the point is, I should have been more understanding, more caring, and that is why I now know that I of all people don't deserve you. I just want you to know, that it wasn't intentional. What logic would there be for someone to deliberately hurt someone they care most deeply about right from the very beginning of a relationship? You were always special to me. I guess, you will always be. Sometimes, we do things without realizing it, but that's no excuse for hurting you. I was too stupid to notice, or maybe I was too focused on my own feelings towards you, that I failed to read between the lines. And from the bottom of my already broken heart, I am sorry.
Although allow me to say something here, an irony I just come to realize. You said that you didn't want to take our relationship to the next level because you don't want to ruin our friendship. But friend, look at us now, our friendship is already ruined without us taking it anywhere.
But let's put my feelings aside. That is not our main problem right now. I am more concern about you not wanting to be my friend, then you not wanting to be more than one. I'm not blaming you for everything anymore. For I now know I am as much at fault as you are. Our last meeting meant a lot to me. Before this, all I ever wanted is for us to be back together again. Mostly because I was so miserable without you, and I dont want to feel that way again. Now I know that that was a very selfish thought. If by being with me is hurting you so, I don't want that anymore. Like I've said a million times before, your happiness is what that matters most to me.
Friend, if the path in front of us after tonight, lead us to separate ways, I want you to know, that I held nothing against you. I have no resentment towards you. I have no regrets whatsoever. Never regret things that once made you smile, right? And that's just what you made me do all this while. My life with you in it, is nothing but a wonderful one. I feel like I am truly blessed to have the opportunity to be close to someone as nice as you. I had such great times, and I hope you know, that every smile I smiled when I'm with you was for real. Every laugh I laughed was sincere, and every moment I spent with you is a moment worth remembering. I won't be bitter for what had happened between us, I won't be dissapointed anymore that I couldn't save our friendship. For I still believe, that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that things dont always go the way you planned it to be. And that people can change in a blink of an eye, but you should love them anyway. I wish you only the best in life, and may you find someone better to walk you through life.
But friend, should our path cross again in the future, you know exactly where I'll be.
From,
A Friend.
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