Auld Lang Syne.

okei so i guess it's my turn to write my summary about 2009. well, it was a colourful year that much i can say. I had a beautiful beginning, and a nice enough end. The middle....well let's just say it was full of drama.

It started out with 22 candles on 22 doughnuts.
Then there was a flower and a guitar somewhere.
A trip back home.
A really nice birthday party in March.
A really cool bday concert over the phone.
Jimah's surprise bday party at our house.
Then it was a blur.
The end of a beautiful friendship, and
The end of a beautiful relationship, and
The end of a beautiful life (07May2009 and a hard time for my dearest friend it was).
But there were a few highlights of my life here and there too:
- Zouk's wedding
- The roller coaster
- Magical weekend
- Great Taiping raya
- My dad's 60th bday
- Jasin trip
- Second time transformers II
- More Than Words on guitar.
But a few weeks ago, things finally started to fall back into its places. And I'm beginning to see my rainbow again :)


so, my 2009 was filled with a bucket load of tears, a whole lot of laughter, and a few lessons learnt. I think, by far, 2009 is the most challenging year for me. and i've got a feeling 2010 will be even worse :) I'll be starting my clinical rotation soon, and that means the end of my social life (yes firas, not that I even have one to begin with).

thank you 2009.
you taught me about patience.

10
9
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7
6
5
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3
2
1

HAPPY NEW YEAR earthlings!


that's it people, it's a wrap!

Holiday.

" I understand feeling as small and as insignificant. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonay you drink with your girlfriends...you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong, or how you could have misunderstood. And how the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however how long that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all the fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade..."

from the movie, The Holiday.

If My Heart Was A House.

a lot of people are jealous of my hometown.
they like to underestimate the power of a small town like Kulim.

"..ulu macam Kulim"

"do they really sell everything under the tree in Kulim?"

"Kulim 30minit je dh abes pusing"

haha fineee...
Say all you want, i am still in love with Kulim.
If i could choose another place to grow up in, it would be London. (okei x ada kaitan)
I spent 21 years of my life in Kulim.
I was born in Penang, but when I was 1 year old, my family moved to Kulim, because my Dad got a job there.
So I did a lot of growing up in Kulim.
It is a small town, ofcourse.
And yes, some things are still sold under the tree, like cendol and pasembor.
And the housing areas are named after sayur, buah, and fishes.
And yeah it only takes 30minutes to reach from one end to the other.
But thats what makes it so special :)

I miss the food.
I miss going to 7Eleven in the middle of the night for slurpee.
I miss my school.
I miss my friends.
I miss the Store.
I miss the KFC.
I miss the food.
I miss the food.
I miss my home.
I miss the food.
and most of all
I miss my family.

Do You Know Where You're Going To?

Do you know where you're going to?

Do you like the things that life is showing you?

Where are you going to? Do you know?

Pernah tak rasa if only you could redo your life? You feel like your life is in such a mess, you don't even know how to put is straight again. you wish there's a restart button somewhere, where you could push it and start your life fresh. mcm after kita dah conteng2 dengan application Paint, and we dont quite like what we have done, we just have to click "New", and you'll get a blank new screen, white as snow, for you to paint it again the way you wanted. macam kalau...(okei girl, we get the point.)

but maybe that'll count as running away from your problems?

and you, can never run away from your problems.

macam kalau bilik kita semak sgt, then kita tak tahan, kita pindah bilik lain. Nanti over time kat situ pun semak jugak. then kita pindah lagi? sampai bila kita nak pindah kan? penat la nanti...

so..

better kita kemas bilik skarang.

Straight From The Heart.

I found this somewhere...

Dear Friend,

If you're reading this, well, I'm just glad that you are. And I know that you know that this is for you. It's 3 o'clock in the morning, and I've been tossing and turning in my bed for a few hours now, eversince we got back from our meeting. Words that we said to each other over my untouched food, some out of rage, some out of dissapointment, but mostly on my part, out of love, kept ringing in my ears. I can't even close my eyes, for the image of you hurting will be there, at the back of my eyelids. Hence why it's so difficult for me to fall asleep. So I spent hours just staring at the ceiling, wide-eyed, and exhausted, both physically, and emotionally.

Friend, I'm really glad that you agreed to go out with me tonight. I'm glad we had that 4 hours talk. I really needed that. Like I said, I'd rather have you throw angry words at me, then have you being silent. For your silence, that has been killing me all this while. Seeing you again, having you look right at me again, reminded me of how much I miss you, how much I miss us. Reminded me of why I'm so determined to settle this problem we're having. And also reminded me of how easy it is for me to talk to you about things. How I wanted so much to be able to tell you things again. You always had that effect on me. I'm glad we had it all out, but don't you think that this all fiasco began because of a little bit of misunderstanding? Nothing that can't be solve with a little bit of forgiveness? I expected you to do things to me that you expected me to do to you. In the end, nobody did anything, and that just made the gap between us grow even wider over time.

I'm sorry I couldn't held back my tears, I'm sorry you couldn't too. It's just that, I cried because I now realized that I've been hurting you without realizing it, when that is the very last thing that I would ever do to you. Actually, it's the direct opposite of what I wanted to do to you. I wanted you to feel my love, but instead, I hurt you. It doesn't matter that I was hurt too, the point is, I should have been more understanding, more caring, and that is why I now know that I of all people don't deserve you. I just want you to know, that it wasn't intentional. What logic would there be for someone to deliberately hurt someone they care most deeply about right from the very beginning of a relationship? You were always special to me. I guess, you will always be. Sometimes, we do things without realizing it, but that's no excuse for hurting you. I was too stupid to notice, or maybe I was too focused on my own feelings towards you, that I failed to read between the lines. And from the bottom of my already broken heart, I am sorry.

Although allow me to say something here, an irony I just come to realize. You said that you didn't want to take our relationship to the next level because you don't want to ruin our friendship. But friend, look at us now, our friendship is already ruined without us taking it anywhere.

But let's put my feelings aside. That is not our main problem right now. I am more concern about you not wanting to be my friend, then you not wanting to be more than one. I'm not blaming you for everything anymore. For I now know I am as much at fault as you are. Our last meeting meant a lot to me. Before this, all I ever wanted is for us to be back together again. Mostly because I was so miserable without you, and I dont want to feel that way again. Now I know that that was a very selfish thought. If by being with me is hurting you so, I don't want that anymore. Like I've said a million times before, your happiness is what that matters most to me.

Friend, if the path in front of us after tonight, lead us to separate ways, I want you to know, that I held nothing against you. I have no resentment towards you. I have no regrets whatsoever. Never regret things that once made you smile, right? And that's just what you made me do all this while. My life with you in it, is nothing but a wonderful one. I feel like I am truly blessed to have the opportunity to be close to someone as nice as you. I had such great times, and I hope you know, that every smile I smiled when I'm with you was for real. Every laugh I laughed was sincere, and every moment I spent with you is a moment worth remembering. I won't be bitter for what had happened between us, I won't be dissapointed anymore that I couldn't save our friendship. For I still believe, that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that things dont always go the way you planned it to be. And that people can change in a blink of an eye, but you should love them anyway. I wish you only the best in life, and may you find someone better to walk you through life.

But friend, should our path cross again in the future, you know exactly where I'll be.

From,

A Friend.

Stay Awake.

Read

Stay Awake Lyrics

here.

i love love love her. really glad i grew up with her movies.

see how julie andrews uses reverse psychology on those kids haha.

senangnya nak tipu budak2 kan:)) (tgk ni rasa mcm nk tertipu jgk actually, who won't fall for that sweet voice of hers)

but i on the other hand, really need to stay awake.

my block exam is on Thursday.

need to study. sleep bad. study good.

can't....afford....to....fall....asleep....zzzzzzzzz

Ordinary People.

a verse from the Quran caught my eye today. It is from the surah Al Isra' : 37.

"Nor walk on the earth with insolence, for thou can not rend the earth asunder, nor reach the mountains in height."

"Dan janganlah engkau berjalan di bumi ini dengan sombong, kerana sesungguhnya enkau tidak akan dapat menembus bumi dan tidak akan mampu menjulang setinggi gunung."

meaning there's really no need to be arrogant, or insolence towards one another kan. we are all humans anyway, made from the same substance, none is too above from the other. people make mistakes. we forgive, we forget. like recently, i was just thinking about how these group of people are really annoying, and i wish they could just be out of my sight. Little did I know, not long after I said that, I got myself into a situation where I just had to ask for their help! T__T That ought to teach me something huh. and so people, let us all get off our high horses and be nice to each other, coz u just never know, someday, somehow, our paths might just cross, and we might be needing one another. truce? :)

A World Of Our Own.

Liz sat on a park bench. It was a lovely Sunday afternoon, and kids were running around the playground without a care in the world. Liz enjoyed listening to them laughing and teasing each other, it is the most comforting sound to her. The wind was blowing sweetly, and she could hear the leaves rustling in the trees, as though whispering sweet nothings. How lovely, she thought, while sitting there, with a copy of Persuasion by her favourite author on her lap, unopened. She admired her surroundings. For once, what's inside a book could not beat the colourful scenario around her at the moment.

She observed the people enjoying their day off, some with their loved ones, others alone. A family of three sat down on the grass nearby. The father held the baby up high, while the mother tickles the baby's belly. The proud hopeful looks on the parents face, as their son giggled away, was just priceless.

A younger couple lay down next to each other under the old oak tree, lost in each others arms, watching the cloud passes by, off in their own little world. This is what Jack Johnson meant when he sang "It's just so easy when the whole world fits inside of your arms". Chaos could fall all around them, and they wouldn't have a clue. Now, she thought, that is the power of love.

A teenage girl with big round spectacles sat across from Liz. She had her head buried in a really thick storybook. Occasionally looking up, as though coming up for air, and then back to her storyland again. Her mother sat beside her, shaking her head knowingly at her daughter, who must have reminded her of her younger days.

Everyone seems to be having a great time. Smiling, laughing, but she knew, that beneath that smile, there's a story behind it. What makes us different from each other is not what kind of burden that we carry, but the way we handle it. She thought of her own life, of the long winding road that lead her to where she is right now.

She's been through a lot. Once she even thought of taking the easy way out, of ending the pain in her heart, once and for all. But somehow, all of that seemed to be so far away now that she thought of it. Unreal. Everything seems to be almost perfect now. That last shred of hope that she hung to with her dear life years ago was worth it. God must have answered her prayers. She wondered what makes it all feel worth going through, the obstacles, the ups and downs. She tried to think what had changed her life. Why she feel so content right now, so genuinely happy. It's as though the emptiness that has been inside of her her whole life has finally been filled. She had been lonely for so long, she never even thought that it was possible.

Suddenly, the smell of Oceanus filled the air, and she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Hey Beautiful, what are you thinking about?" and he kissed her, and her 7 months pregnant tummy. And that was when she knew the answer to her questions before. She smiled while twisting the silver wedding band on her finger, looked up and said, "You."

Lovefool.

i'm not sure if this is one of those situations when you still hold on

even if the whole world tells you to let go,

or you stop being a fool

and listen to the world.

Kasih Berubah.

mari menulis dalam bahasa melayu.

rasa mau menangis saja. tidak tahu mengapa. macam tiada sebab.
rasa seperti kecewa, seperti mau lari dari dunia.
kenapa perlu begini :((
tidak suka perasaan seperti ini, kerana ia akan membuatkan saya memikirkan segala masalah saya, samaada besar atau kecil, secara serentak. tak suka sama sekali. nanti rasa macam sudah malas mau bernafas lagi (selama 2 minit sahaja) pun ada haha, apa nak jadi ni :(

• rindu rumah? takkan sudah tahun ke empat masih rumahsakit (homesick) lagi? ayuh farina (come on farina).
• masalah hati dan perasaan? bukan kah hati kamu sudah pun pecah (break). apa lagi yang mau difikirkan. tiada dapat merasakan apa2 lagi sepatutnya. membesarlah farina (grow up farina)
• penat class sampai maghrib hari2? bukan kah kamu mau menjadi seorang doktor farina??? baru berkelas saja sudah merungut penat. apalah ikan (what the fish!)
• risaukan graduasi semakin hampir tapi rasa macam x tahu apa2? padan muka.

haihh, untuk melihat pelangi, kita harus bersabar dengan hujan kan.
baeklah.

p/s: untuk sahabatku Farah Hanani, terima kasih atas post mu yang menyentuh hati ini. http://fhmn111.blogspot.com/2009/12/untuk-anda.html Kamu berjaya membuatku tersenyum dan rasa disayangi dikala ku mau menangis :) sayang farah sangat2:-*