Lost For Words.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

that practically summarizes the way i feel right now.

because if i were to put it in words what's on my mind right now it'll be this :

im a mess.not that i dont miss it all i do but we cant go back there just so we could make the same mistakes twice right.im broke.i want to give up but im still hanging onto a shred of hope.i miss home.im hungry.my thesis is no where near progression.i think i did pretty bad in my exams. i cant stop thinking about u.i need to do my laundry.i miss u. no not you.yeah you. wait maybe not.i dread my groupmates next week.i wanted to make pancakes but there's no nutella.if i dont see u im worried if i see u but i'd rather see u then not see u coz then i wont be worried bout not seeing u.thinking of taking the next flight home.the moon is full.i feel like cursing jpa u cant just leave us here in this god forsaken country with no money we would just go crazy imagine the cost u have to pay for our shrink if that happens. i want shinamon shticks. im really hungry.i need my dose of mcD. i just feel like crawling under covers and stay there till the night comes.i want my mommy.

so yeah,

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

It's My Party.

allow me to write something insignificant today. like my entries before this are not la kan :)) who cares, its my blog, and i'll cry if i want to.

i'm eating nestum for breakfast :D reminds me of my childhood days. my mom would feed me nestum or farley's rusk. the latter with milk =p~ i wish my mom would still lay my clothes out for me hehe

okei dah. :-B

It's My Party

by Leslie Gore

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to, cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you

Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone

But Judy left the same time

Why was he holding her hand

When he's supposed to be mine

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to, cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you

Then all my records keep dancing all night

But leave me alone for a while'

Til Johnny's dancing with me

I've got no reason to smile

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to, cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you

Judy and Johnny just walked thru the door

Like a queen with her king

Oh what a birthday surprise

Judy's wearing his ring

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to, cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you

A Whole New World.

a 16 yr old has a macbook.

an 8 yr old girl with 3 handphones.

a 4 yr old with a handphone!

a 12 yr old kid with iPod touch.

people my age using blackberrys, iPhone, dopod, etc

what is happening to the world??

;)



p/s i only own a 256mb mp3. ("_")

Que Sera, Sera.

i don't care what happened.

i don't care what will happen.

whatever it is these 2 precious souls mean the world to me. and i owe them big time. they helped me a lot through the years, they kept me from losing my sanity staying here, we had our share of laughter and tears.

and i know everything happens for a reason.

and i pray for the best,

for all of us.

Sad Movies.

lagu2 lama ni one of the reason why i like it is because the song itself sometimes is like a short story. quite a few yg lagu macam ni. for example :

1. Don't Cry Joni - Conway Twitty
2. Sad Movies - Sue Thompson
3. It's My Party - Leslie Gore
4. A Dear John Letter
5. Tell Laura I Love Her
6. Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree
7. Living Next Door To Alice - Smokie

This is a song called Sad Movies.

He said he had to work, so I went to the show alone,

They turned down the lights, and turned the projector on,

And just as the news of the world started to begin,

I saw my darling and my best friend walking in.

Although I was sitting right there they didn't see me.

And so they sat right down in front of me,

And when he kissed her lips I almost died.

And in the middle of the coloured cartoon I started to cry.

Oh Sad Movies always make me cry.

And so I got up and slowly I walked on home

And Mama saw the tears and said What's wrong?

And so just to keep from telling her a lie,

I just said "Sad movies makes me cry"

very nice song, pity her though.. so far lagu baru yg mcm a cerita and i like is Love Story by Taylor Swift.

Save The Best For Last.

sometimes, in life, u don't get what you want.

and u'll feel dissapointed, u just don't understand why things are the way they are, you'll feel like running around breaking things, throwing tantrum just about everywhere you could, and scream whyyyyyyy, whyyyy Georgia why.

at a time like this that it is very important to remember that it's okei, and it's because God has a better plan for you. He's got something better in store just for you.

You might say, no no thank u but I don't want anything better, I'd be happy settling with this one, with its flaws and all.

And that is where you are wrong o ignorant naive one, because

nobody,

nobody my dear but He,

knows what's best for you.

Holiday.

the highlights of my last holiday:

1. raya in Taiping

2. Bab's 60th birthday

3. Raya open house. thanks to Jue, Shikin, Shuhada, Mat, Iqbar and his friend Fuad for coming:)

4. Zouk's wedding 26.09.09

5. the memorable weekend.

6. the ugly truth.

7. taking Firas and Ammani out to Penang. Singing 'you belong with me-taylor swift' out loud in the car, not forgetting the hand gesture :)) took crazy pictures on the ferry.

8. walked from OU to the curve with Firas and Ammani. Played basketball. Saw a very boring movie, Ammani slept halfway:))

9. hair saloon with Firas.

10. facial sessions with Firas =))

11. Ferringhi Beach.

I need another holiday.

The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore.

i loveeeeeeeee James Morrison's songs. I just loveeeeeeeeee them, especially the ones in his album "Songs For You, Truths For Me". It's just that the lyrics are just so meaningful, i like the way he puts feelings into words, MY feelings to be exact. it's like he knew what's in me (boo. corny. leaves the room). now i know what roberta flack meant when she sang

"I felt he found my letters, and read each one out loud....killing me softly
with his songs."

below are parts of lyrics from his songs that i love:

"and if you stay with me, honestly, that's what I want,
but if you stay with me, i know i ask too much."

"Boy it hit me like a hurricane when u left me
But I'd do it all again for u
Walk a thousand miles on broken glass
It won't stop me
From making my way back to you
Nothing ever hurt like you"

"Well I can't explain, why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
If you leave me now, just leave me now
It's the better thign to do
Its time to surender
Were too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore"

"If you don't want me to leave,
Then don't push me away.."

"For every piece of me that wants you,
another piece backs away.."

"The truth hurts,
A lie's worse"

"How can I give anymore,
When I love you a little less then before.."

"When my head is strong,
but my heart is weak.."

"You're shining in the distance,
I hope I can make it through
Coz the only olace i wanna be
Is right back home with you.."

"This could be nothing,
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
Coz someday I might know my heart..."

"If it's gonna be a rainy day,
There's nothing we can do to stop the rain,
we can pray for sunny weather,
But that won't stop the rain.."

"You see life is a crazy thing,
There'll be good times and there'll be bad times,
And everything in between.."

"I try to hold on but it's not enough,
I try to forgive, but it's not enough
to make it all okei..."

"You can't play on broken strings,
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel..."

"I'm gonna stay,
You can't push me too far,
There's no place in my heart,
Where I don't want to love you.."

"Dream on Hayley,
Don't look down,
There's nothing here for you to see.."

"If this is where we ended up,
If everything I have is gone,
Then I refuse to be so hard on myself this time..."

"I'm gonna fix the world up for you.."

All In Love Is Fair.

so we had a practical session just now, where we were given a case, and each of us were given a role to act based on the case.

i was the judge.

and i had a great time having able to say the things that judges usually say in the movies:

"the court calls upon the suspect to the stand"

"overruled"

"sustained"

"order in my court!"

"the court finds Mr X, not gulity"

all those times watching law and order, ally mcBeal, eli stone, finally paid off :)

Dream, Dream, Dream.

Have u ever felt as though your life is a dream?

that you'll wake up at some point,

realize that it was all just one hell of a nightmare,

everything will be back to normal,

and the world would make sense again.

Not Ready For Goodbye.

as u all know, there was an earthquake in Padang, Indonesia some time back. And although, my place in Jogjakarta (which is on a different island all together), was not affected, a lot of people called in, actually they called my mom, asking if i'm okei. Thanks ppl, although the ones who called are those i've never ever spoken more than 2 words with my whole life, i. e. my neighbour's family, my mother's second cousin, my neighbour's sister, my dad's friend, etc. Thanks for your concern, as of now, I'm still very much alive, hoorey

but....

u know how i hated when my holidays end, and i have to go back there, well this time it's different, I REALLLLLLLY DON'T WANT TO go back there! like reallllllly realllllly. I have not much to look forward to anymore I must say, and plus with this current stupid issues indonesia is having with malaysia, i really dont have the mood to go backkkk. not even the slightest bit. okei fine, maybe there's 5 percent hope left somewhere if i concentrate hard enough on the positive things. seeing the footage of the earthquake in Padang, with the people trapped under the rubble, i just couldnt help but think that that could have been me *gulp*knock on wood*

anyway, i guess there's nothing i can do. complainin' ain't gonna stop the rainin' right. fine, might as well accept the inevitable, so folk's im going back this Sunday. To those that i met up during my holidays, thanks a lot. you guys made it special :) to those whom I didn't get the oppurtunity to meet, im sooooooooo sorry. trust me i realllly want to, but time was not on our side. maybe next time huh :) anyway, pray for my safety people (yeah like i'm leaving for war only).



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Now playing: All-4-One - Not Ready For Goodbye
via FoxyTunes

A Song For You.

if there is one song i'd like to sing at the top of my lungs right now, it would be this:

I can't sleep
Everything I ever knew
Is a lie without you

I can't breathe
When my heart is broke in two
There's no beat, without you

You're not gone, but you're not here
Is this the way it seems tonight
If we could try to win these wars
I think that we could make it right
Coz baby

I don't want to fight no more
I've forgotten what we were fighting for
And the loneliness that's in my heart
Won't let me be apart from you
I don't want to have to try
To live without you in my life
So, I'm hoping we can start tonight
Coz, I don't want to fight no more.
please.



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Now playing: Westlife - I Don't Want To Fight No More
via FoxyTunes

You've Got A Friend.

i dedicate this song to all my friends, especially to Farah Hanani, hehe thanks farah sbb paham aku. be strong dear, you're not alone, we're in this together. here for you all the wayyy. love u!

It Sure Took A Long Time To Miss Me.

i just witnessed something wonderful.

earlier today while watching TV, my mother said that lately she's been thinking about her bestfriend when she was still in RPS (Raja Perempuan School, Ipoh). She asked me if there's any way she could get her friend's contact details through the net. so i googled the name, and with much difficulty (had to search for her sister who we found out is a datin now working in Jabatan Pendidikan), and through her we got my mother's bestfriend's number. and she called her. you should have listened to the phone conversation. it was really touching! she almost cried, i almost cried! because i was imagining me, 30 years from now, will my friends still remember me? huuu... apparently they havent seen each other for more than 30 years. it was a wonderful feeling, helping my mother traced her long lost friend back.


the other day my dad brought us to go see an old school mate of his, they last saw each other 40 years ago. it was really nice seeing them talked bout old times. Uncle said my dad used to create havoc in the classroom! i find that hard, very hard, to believe.

I could tell this uncle must be one handsome dude back then. heee

so u see, old people berusaha cari kawan2 dorg yang dh lama x jumpa.

whereas us, we simply end friendships with people who's right in front of us like it meant nothing. tak rasa sayang? yang ada depan mata tak nak kawan pulak. wtfish??

have people forgotten the value of good friendship? why? why do we have to experience lost to know just how much it means to us?

what if it's too late?



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Now playing: Lobo - it sure took a long time to miss me
via FoxyTunes

Girl Of Constant Sorrow.

im trying really
really
really
really
hard to write about something cheerful for a change.
really
but i'm drawing a blank..
how can i write bout rainbows and sunshine when all im feeling inside is thunderstorms and rain.
okei let me try again
..............
.............
................
...............
come on i can do this
.............
.............
i think im getting something
............
............
happy thoughts now, happy thoughts
............
...........
ha! isnt it funny, my happy thoughts now all causes me to be sad, snap.



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Now playing: Bob Dylan - bob dylan - man of constant sorrow
via FoxyTunes

Love Story.

06/10/2009

2 years back today she made a promise to a man. It was a cold calm night, and love was in the air. She's been feeling down for quite some time, she had just been through rough patches in her life, and he was just there at the right time, at the right place. Like a knight, she'd like to think, coming to save her from her heartache she was having, to keep her from drowning in her own tears, in short to bring her back to life. She knows that now, that is exactly why God sent her this sweet, noble, caring man even if it was just for awhile. Because that is just what she needed. A strong figure for her to lean on, to call her own. The sense of belonging to someone. To get her faith in love back in her soul. And so, on that memorable magical night, she made a promise, she promised to learn to love him if he would do the same in return. Because she knew so little of him at that time, and yet she felt like she could trust him. She knew, somewhere among the broken pieces of her heart she just knew, that his intention was pure, and he'll never ever hurt her. And with that instinct she made the promise. And for two years she did try to love him, she did everything within her power to mend her broken heart so that she could give it to him whole, she did try to make him be the one, the only one, the last one. But she failed. She did love him, but she didn't love him enough. It's not that she had broken the promise that she made, she did tried as promised, but fate has better things in store for them. The path that they walked down that night was not the wrong one, it just led them to a different place. A place where they have to go on their separate ways. And as the saying goes, it's not the destination that matters, it's the journey. And a beautiful journey it was. Today, the man is no longer hers to call upon. Today, the man is free from the bitterness of her heart. Today, she is alone.

Fairy Tale.

So I was watching my favourite TV show The Nanny series back-to-back on Hallmark just now, and i really love something sweet 6 year old little Gracie said to Nanny Fine.



Nanny Fine : And so the beautiful Snow White and the handsome Prince Charming lived happily ever after.
Gracie : Boy this story really screws with woman's mind.




Nanny Fine

Gracie Sheffield

haha oh so true.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106080/


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Now playing: Toni Braxton - Fairy Tale
via FoxyTunes

Once When I Was Little.

Once When I Was Little

I was the one who would always jump in first
Didn't think twice to look behind
Got such a feeling, just from playing in the dirt
Once, when I was little

We could build a rocket, fly to the moon

Leave Tuesday morning, and be back for noon

There wasn't nothing that we couldn't do

Once, when I was little

I used to feel so strong

Even when they tell me I was wrong

That I can't live in a magic world

Cause it's time for me to grow up

That I got to be like the rest of them

When I know they're acting up

Once, when I was little

I could dream more then

Yeah I believed more then

That the world could only get better

I could be free more then

I could pretend more then

That this life could only show me good times

Once when I was little...

by James Morrison

Still.

Its like when you're having flu, or any other diseases, you wake up in the morning with hope that you're cured. For the first few seconds u open your eyes you actually think that you're okei now, you'll think "hey I feel fine!", you're about to climb out of bed to start your day with a smile when suddenly, out of nowhere BAMM! you sneezes. And you'll feel sad again. And that's when you know that you're not completely cured, just as you hoped to be.

same goes with anything. you're driving alone, you're doing great, the whether's great. the traffic's great. you feel great. you think "hey i actually feel good", you think "i'm over it." you're no longer feeling down. And you're enjoying the drive, when suddenly, out of nowhere BAMMMM! the radio plays "Come Back To Me" by David Cook. and u feel sad again. and that's when you know that you're not completely cured. or maybe, you never will be.



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Now playing: The Commodores - Still
via FoxyTunes

From This Moment On.

Berenang-renang ke muara,
Hati-hati di lambung ombak,
Sudah berzaman asyik bercinta,
Entahkan jadi entahkan tidak...

Disebut-sebut peribahasa,

Habis madu sepah dibuang,
Janganlah begitu hendaknya,

Terlanjur bercinta, berkekalan.

On the 26th of September, I went to my very first wedding of a friend of mine. Yes you read me right, I did say first. Because friends tell their friends that they're getting married. Friends invite friends to their weddings. Friends don't let their friends know about their weddings BY FREAKING WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHS IN FREAKING FACEBOOK. FRIENDS...ooookei, moving on... It was such a lovely wedding. We arrived in Rembau, Negeri Sembilan around 1pm by 3 cars, thanks to Botak, Shazwan and Jern. The moment i saw the bride and groom walking, hand in hand, i got a bit emotional, tears started to fill my eyes :) I just can't believe it. He's married now. Zouk is married! and they look so great together, it just touches me. They've made it. In a world lacking of trust and love, they finally made it. Not everyone is as truly blessed as both of them. They don't have to worry about heartaches and heartbreaks anymore. They dont have to be out there anymore. They dont have to search any longer. They've found each other. And it's the sweetest thing anyone could ever wish for :)

And so I would like to raise an imaginary glass of sirap pandan (because it's zouk's favourite), to the bride and groom, may this be a beginning to a beautiful marriage, may you always be there for each other, in sickness and in health, may you lead a wonderful life together, until the very end. *here here*

After the wedding we went to Rean's house in Malacca for awhile. And then rushed back to KL, and then the rest of the weekend was...magical.

I dont know if you really meant what you said, I have even come to a point where I dont even care if you dont mean it, but really, thanks for saying it anyway:)

And I dont know if you're doing this now just because I told you a few days back that i want it to be this way, but thanks for doing it anyway. you give me something *cue lagu james morrison* ;)

All in all, the wedding was lovely. And i am looking forward to attend lots more friend's weddings in the future. (farah, shimmm cpt2 cari calon;) )



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Now playing: Shania Twain - Wedding Songs-Shania Twain - From This Moment (w- Brian White) (1)
via FoxyTunes