Auld Lang Syne.

okei so i guess it's my turn to write my summary about 2009. well, it was a colourful year that much i can say. I had a beautiful beginning, and a nice enough end. The middle....well let's just say it was full of drama.

It started out with 22 candles on 22 doughnuts.
Then there was a flower and a guitar somewhere.
A trip back home.
A really nice birthday party in March.
A really cool bday concert over the phone.
Jimah's surprise bday party at our house.
Then it was a blur.
The end of a beautiful friendship, and
The end of a beautiful relationship, and
The end of a beautiful life (07May2009 and a hard time for my dearest friend it was).
But there were a few highlights of my life here and there too:
- Zouk's wedding
- The roller coaster
- Magical weekend
- Great Taiping raya
- My dad's 60th bday
- Jasin trip
- Second time transformers II
- More Than Words on guitar.
But a few weeks ago, things finally started to fall back into its places. And I'm beginning to see my rainbow again :)


so, my 2009 was filled with a bucket load of tears, a whole lot of laughter, and a few lessons learnt. I think, by far, 2009 is the most challenging year for me. and i've got a feeling 2010 will be even worse :) I'll be starting my clinical rotation soon, and that means the end of my social life (yes firas, not that I even have one to begin with).

thank you 2009.
you taught me about patience.

10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1

HAPPY NEW YEAR earthlings!


that's it people, it's a wrap!

Holiday.

" I understand feeling as small and as insignificant. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonay you drink with your girlfriends...you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong, or how you could have misunderstood. And how the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however how long that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all the fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade..."

from the movie, The Holiday.

If My Heart Was A House.

a lot of people are jealous of my hometown.
they like to underestimate the power of a small town like Kulim.

"..ulu macam Kulim"

"do they really sell everything under the tree in Kulim?"

"Kulim 30minit je dh abes pusing"

haha fineee...
Say all you want, i am still in love with Kulim.
If i could choose another place to grow up in, it would be London. (okei x ada kaitan)
I spent 21 years of my life in Kulim.
I was born in Penang, but when I was 1 year old, my family moved to Kulim, because my Dad got a job there.
So I did a lot of growing up in Kulim.
It is a small town, ofcourse.
And yes, some things are still sold under the tree, like cendol and pasembor.
And the housing areas are named after sayur, buah, and fishes.
And yeah it only takes 30minutes to reach from one end to the other.
But thats what makes it so special :)

I miss the food.
I miss going to 7Eleven in the middle of the night for slurpee.
I miss my school.
I miss my friends.
I miss the Store.
I miss the KFC.
I miss the food.
I miss the food.
I miss my home.
I miss the food.
and most of all
I miss my family.

Do You Know Where You're Going To?

Do you know where you're going to?

Do you like the things that life is showing you?

Where are you going to? Do you know?

Pernah tak rasa if only you could redo your life? You feel like your life is in such a mess, you don't even know how to put is straight again. you wish there's a restart button somewhere, where you could push it and start your life fresh. mcm after kita dah conteng2 dengan application Paint, and we dont quite like what we have done, we just have to click "New", and you'll get a blank new screen, white as snow, for you to paint it again the way you wanted. macam kalau...(okei girl, we get the point.)

but maybe that'll count as running away from your problems?

and you, can never run away from your problems.

macam kalau bilik kita semak sgt, then kita tak tahan, kita pindah bilik lain. Nanti over time kat situ pun semak jugak. then kita pindah lagi? sampai bila kita nak pindah kan? penat la nanti...

so..

better kita kemas bilik skarang.

Straight From The Heart.

I found this somewhere...

Dear Friend,

If you're reading this, well, I'm just glad that you are. And I know that you know that this is for you. It's 3 o'clock in the morning, and I've been tossing and turning in my bed for a few hours now, eversince we got back from our meeting. Words that we said to each other over my untouched food, some out of rage, some out of dissapointment, but mostly on my part, out of love, kept ringing in my ears. I can't even close my eyes, for the image of you hurting will be there, at the back of my eyelids. Hence why it's so difficult for me to fall asleep. So I spent hours just staring at the ceiling, wide-eyed, and exhausted, both physically, and emotionally.

Friend, I'm really glad that you agreed to go out with me tonight. I'm glad we had that 4 hours talk. I really needed that. Like I said, I'd rather have you throw angry words at me, then have you being silent. For your silence, that has been killing me all this while. Seeing you again, having you look right at me again, reminded me of how much I miss you, how much I miss us. Reminded me of why I'm so determined to settle this problem we're having. And also reminded me of how easy it is for me to talk to you about things. How I wanted so much to be able to tell you things again. You always had that effect on me. I'm glad we had it all out, but don't you think that this all fiasco began because of a little bit of misunderstanding? Nothing that can't be solve with a little bit of forgiveness? I expected you to do things to me that you expected me to do to you. In the end, nobody did anything, and that just made the gap between us grow even wider over time.

I'm sorry I couldn't held back my tears, I'm sorry you couldn't too. It's just that, I cried because I now realized that I've been hurting you without realizing it, when that is the very last thing that I would ever do to you. Actually, it's the direct opposite of what I wanted to do to you. I wanted you to feel my love, but instead, I hurt you. It doesn't matter that I was hurt too, the point is, I should have been more understanding, more caring, and that is why I now know that I of all people don't deserve you. I just want you to know, that it wasn't intentional. What logic would there be for someone to deliberately hurt someone they care most deeply about right from the very beginning of a relationship? You were always special to me. I guess, you will always be. Sometimes, we do things without realizing it, but that's no excuse for hurting you. I was too stupid to notice, or maybe I was too focused on my own feelings towards you, that I failed to read between the lines. And from the bottom of my already broken heart, I am sorry.

Although allow me to say something here, an irony I just come to realize. You said that you didn't want to take our relationship to the next level because you don't want to ruin our friendship. But friend, look at us now, our friendship is already ruined without us taking it anywhere.

But let's put my feelings aside. That is not our main problem right now. I am more concern about you not wanting to be my friend, then you not wanting to be more than one. I'm not blaming you for everything anymore. For I now know I am as much at fault as you are. Our last meeting meant a lot to me. Before this, all I ever wanted is for us to be back together again. Mostly because I was so miserable without you, and I dont want to feel that way again. Now I know that that was a very selfish thought. If by being with me is hurting you so, I don't want that anymore. Like I've said a million times before, your happiness is what that matters most to me.

Friend, if the path in front of us after tonight, lead us to separate ways, I want you to know, that I held nothing against you. I have no resentment towards you. I have no regrets whatsoever. Never regret things that once made you smile, right? And that's just what you made me do all this while. My life with you in it, is nothing but a wonderful one. I feel like I am truly blessed to have the opportunity to be close to someone as nice as you. I had such great times, and I hope you know, that every smile I smiled when I'm with you was for real. Every laugh I laughed was sincere, and every moment I spent with you is a moment worth remembering. I won't be bitter for what had happened between us, I won't be dissapointed anymore that I couldn't save our friendship. For I still believe, that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that things dont always go the way you planned it to be. And that people can change in a blink of an eye, but you should love them anyway. I wish you only the best in life, and may you find someone better to walk you through life.

But friend, should our path cross again in the future, you know exactly where I'll be.

From,

A Friend.

Stay Awake.

Read

Stay Awake Lyrics

here.

i love love love her. really glad i grew up with her movies.

see how julie andrews uses reverse psychology on those kids haha.

senangnya nak tipu budak2 kan:)) (tgk ni rasa mcm nk tertipu jgk actually, who won't fall for that sweet voice of hers)

but i on the other hand, really need to stay awake.

my block exam is on Thursday.

need to study. sleep bad. study good.

can't....afford....to....fall....asleep....zzzzzzzzz

Ordinary People.

a verse from the Quran caught my eye today. It is from the surah Al Isra' : 37.

"Nor walk on the earth with insolence, for thou can not rend the earth asunder, nor reach the mountains in height."

"Dan janganlah engkau berjalan di bumi ini dengan sombong, kerana sesungguhnya enkau tidak akan dapat menembus bumi dan tidak akan mampu menjulang setinggi gunung."

meaning there's really no need to be arrogant, or insolence towards one another kan. we are all humans anyway, made from the same substance, none is too above from the other. people make mistakes. we forgive, we forget. like recently, i was just thinking about how these group of people are really annoying, and i wish they could just be out of my sight. Little did I know, not long after I said that, I got myself into a situation where I just had to ask for their help! T__T That ought to teach me something huh. and so people, let us all get off our high horses and be nice to each other, coz u just never know, someday, somehow, our paths might just cross, and we might be needing one another. truce? :)

A World Of Our Own.

Liz sat on a park bench. It was a lovely Sunday afternoon, and kids were running around the playground without a care in the world. Liz enjoyed listening to them laughing and teasing each other, it is the most comforting sound to her. The wind was blowing sweetly, and she could hear the leaves rustling in the trees, as though whispering sweet nothings. How lovely, she thought, while sitting there, with a copy of Persuasion by her favourite author on her lap, unopened. She admired her surroundings. For once, what's inside a book could not beat the colourful scenario around her at the moment.

She observed the people enjoying their day off, some with their loved ones, others alone. A family of three sat down on the grass nearby. The father held the baby up high, while the mother tickles the baby's belly. The proud hopeful looks on the parents face, as their son giggled away, was just priceless.

A younger couple lay down next to each other under the old oak tree, lost in each others arms, watching the cloud passes by, off in their own little world. This is what Jack Johnson meant when he sang "It's just so easy when the whole world fits inside of your arms". Chaos could fall all around them, and they wouldn't have a clue. Now, she thought, that is the power of love.

A teenage girl with big round spectacles sat across from Liz. She had her head buried in a really thick storybook. Occasionally looking up, as though coming up for air, and then back to her storyland again. Her mother sat beside her, shaking her head knowingly at her daughter, who must have reminded her of her younger days.

Everyone seems to be having a great time. Smiling, laughing, but she knew, that beneath that smile, there's a story behind it. What makes us different from each other is not what kind of burden that we carry, but the way we handle it. She thought of her own life, of the long winding road that lead her to where she is right now.

She's been through a lot. Once she even thought of taking the easy way out, of ending the pain in her heart, once and for all. But somehow, all of that seemed to be so far away now that she thought of it. Unreal. Everything seems to be almost perfect now. That last shred of hope that she hung to with her dear life years ago was worth it. God must have answered her prayers. She wondered what makes it all feel worth going through, the obstacles, the ups and downs. She tried to think what had changed her life. Why she feel so content right now, so genuinely happy. It's as though the emptiness that has been inside of her her whole life has finally been filled. She had been lonely for so long, she never even thought that it was possible.

Suddenly, the smell of Oceanus filled the air, and she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Hey Beautiful, what are you thinking about?" and he kissed her, and her 7 months pregnant tummy. And that was when she knew the answer to her questions before. She smiled while twisting the silver wedding band on her finger, looked up and said, "You."

Lovefool.

i'm not sure if this is one of those situations when you still hold on

even if the whole world tells you to let go,

or you stop being a fool

and listen to the world.

Kasih Berubah.

mari menulis dalam bahasa melayu.

rasa mau menangis saja. tidak tahu mengapa. macam tiada sebab.
rasa seperti kecewa, seperti mau lari dari dunia.
kenapa perlu begini :((
tidak suka perasaan seperti ini, kerana ia akan membuatkan saya memikirkan segala masalah saya, samaada besar atau kecil, secara serentak. tak suka sama sekali. nanti rasa macam sudah malas mau bernafas lagi (selama 2 minit sahaja) pun ada haha, apa nak jadi ni :(

• rindu rumah? takkan sudah tahun ke empat masih rumahsakit (homesick) lagi? ayuh farina (come on farina).
• masalah hati dan perasaan? bukan kah hati kamu sudah pun pecah (break). apa lagi yang mau difikirkan. tiada dapat merasakan apa2 lagi sepatutnya. membesarlah farina (grow up farina)
• penat class sampai maghrib hari2? bukan kah kamu mau menjadi seorang doktor farina??? baru berkelas saja sudah merungut penat. apalah ikan (what the fish!)
• risaukan graduasi semakin hampir tapi rasa macam x tahu apa2? padan muka.

haihh, untuk melihat pelangi, kita harus bersabar dengan hujan kan.
baeklah.

p/s: untuk sahabatku Farah Hanani, terima kasih atas post mu yang menyentuh hati ini. http://fhmn111.blogspot.com/2009/12/untuk-anda.html Kamu berjaya membuatku tersenyum dan rasa disayangi dikala ku mau menangis :) sayang farah sangat2:-*

Invisible.

an insignificant speck,

that's what i am.

the girl behind the scene,

a prop on the stage,

a tree among trees,

people hardly notice,

but it doesnt mean i dont.

eventhough im invisible to u

my feelings are not.

i hurt, cry, laugh, love.

im just like u

but not.

i might be worthless to the rest of the world

but all i want to be is something, anything in your heart.

so why dont u stop and look around

it's the trees that makes the scenery

it's the prop which makes the set beautiful

it's me who wants to love you.

let me,

love you.

-chloe-
28.11.2009

Twilight.

"You can't break up with me. You're my bestfriend." - Twilight New Moon.

deym.

Confessions Of A Broken Heart.

The RULES:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italic the statements that you WISH are true.
The LIST to Bold/Italic/Just-let-it-be:

I miss somebody right now.
I don’t watch TV these days.
I own lots of magazines.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I’ve tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I’m totally smart.
I’ve broken someone’s bones.
I’m paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair.
I want to cut my hair.
I have at least one sibling.
I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I'm happily married
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop then eat.
I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them.
I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I’ve rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
I’m not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past.
I own the “South Park” movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
I have dated a close friends’s ex.
I am happy at this moment!!
I’m obsessed with guys (on TV).
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I’m proficient in a musical
I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausage.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colors.
I can’t live without black eyeliner.
I don’t know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pickup things with my toes
I can’t whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I’ve ever written in.
I can’t stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can’t stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I’m an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy
I am an adrenaline junkie.

Happy Birthday!

My mom turns 52 today. Happy Birthday Mak, I Love You.

http://russblogsagain.blogspot.com/2009/11/omg-shes-52.html

I've Got A Crush On You.

before that let me just say,

i have decided that,

it's your lost.
=.=

nowwww, i am so excited to tell that

i have a crush on someone <3

heeee, its been soooo long since i last had a crush on someone! :->

its an innocent-still-under-control-not-that-anything-can-happen-anyway thing, dont worry :))

i wish faraha is here, so that we can go stalk him together :D

imagine how a person can change ur day totally around :-O

at 9 am i feel like punching someone's face X-(

at 12pm i'm at the top of the world at the sight of him :x

okei i know, super ewww right, i feel like a high school girl again, all giddy and grinning. but let me be. i need this distraction to live. :-B

hey, thx for crossing my path today...

God knows how much i needed it :)

What Do You Get When You Fall In Love?

friends of ours ended their relationship recently.

they've been together for 3 years.

breaking up is really a very very sad thing. it doesnt matter if the guy or girl is bad, or that either one of them deserves it, i believe the pain is just the same, it cuts both ways.

but this friend of ours, they had the most beautiful loving romantic relationship ever. you can practically see birds singing over their heads when they're together. the kind that is not annoying (u know how some couples just makes u wanna barf, or yell "get a room!", or just pour boiling water over them:-") this couple is different. you should have seen the way the guy used to look at the girl sincerely. his eyes just sparkle, its like he couldnt believe it that this eyes that he's gazing into is looking straight back at him, full of love. It just makes u wish that someday you would be lucky enough to find a guy who would look at u the same way.

So anyway, we all thought that nothing could tear them both apart, not even if Godzilla storms in and eat the whole city. but sadly, they too, like other couples i have come to know, came to the end of their road. this bothers me because, i keep thinking if this 2 angelic people couldnt make it, who can? how am i supposed to believe in love like this? *dramaqueenmoment*

which reminds me of something Shawn said in one of the episode of Boy Meets World, when his bestfriend, Cory broke up with Topanga.(Cory and Topanga is the sweetest highschool sweethearts btw). Cory asked Shawn why is he more devastated then him over the break up, and Shawn said,

" Because, I want to have what you have with Topanga. How can I have what u have when you don't have it anymore! I want u to still have it."

so you see, i just hope that this is not the end of the road for them. lets just hope that its just a detour. and somehow someday, their paths will cross again, and they'll be together forever:)

anyway, what i'm trying to say is, falling in love is a splendid thing, but the possibility of falling out of it, scares the hell out of me.

Pride And Prejudice.

Keira Knightley has everything I ever wanted in the Pride and Prejudice (2005):

a) the looks

b) the grace

c) the ability to ballroom dance

d) the beautiful, beautiful, beautiful dresses I hope to own them all 1 day

and

e) the charming Mr. Darcy :)

"You have bewitched me body and soul and I love, I love, I love you." - Mr Darcy
"Your hands are cold." - Elizabeth Bennet

"From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, you self disdain for the feelings of others made me realized, that you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry." - Elizabeth Bennet

"May I have the next dance, Miss Elizabeth?" - Mr. Darcy

"I love you most ardently. Please do me the honor of accepting my hand." - Mr. Darcy

"Once lost, is lost forever." - Mr. Darcy

"Yes, a thousand times yes."

p/s: keira knightley is the only woman i would allow my husband in the future to drool over, because she is truly beautiful ;)

Just To See You Smile.

okeiii.

i think i got it all wrong.

im not fully depressed because of us.

i just want to see you have the spark back in you.

and i think you're starting to get that spark back in you.

and im happy.

apparently, i just want to see you happy.

woww.

Build Me Up, Buttercup.

i did it all by myself :D

Just So You Know.

• you know how sometimes, u like to tease a cat by danglling something the cat likes on a piece of string in from of its face?
• then when it reaches for it, you yank it higher, and immediately lower it back down.
• just as it thought that it could get it this time, you pull it high up again.
• and when it feels like giving up, you gave it false hope by lowering it down playing it in front of its face like its nobody's business.

that's just pure cruelty. don't do that. to cats,
or humans.







jgn smpai this cat mengamuk.

T__T

I Never Told You.

I miss everything about you

Cant believe it i still want u

After all the things that we've been through

I miss everything about you.

-Colbie Caillat-

Kantoi.

okei i am definitely freaking out right now.

i just saw something posted on facebook, that there is an application to know who's been stalking your photos the most.

u know what that means.




im in deep sh*t.

:D


----------------
Now playing: zee avi - kantoi
via FoxyTunes

Leaving On A Jet Plane.

everytime someone will be going abroad to study, i hold my breath as to know where they are going. hoping it wouldn't be the one place in the world that i want to live in ever since forever. let it be Australia, or New Zealand, or Russia or France or even the US, i don't care. just please please please please please not the country where Elizabeth Bennet was from.






deym.

it is,
again.
*pangs of jealousy*

Wherever You Will Go.

136 emails

in 3 and a 1/2 years,

1 each week,

to date.

thats gotta be a record ;)

For No Reason.

not everyone has the ability to watch football. not just anyone can sit for 90 minutes, in front of the tele, in the middle of the night, watching a bunch of grown men chasing a ball. i have it, however. i can watch football, but only if i want to. like if while im watching something eelse on TV and then my dad asked me to switch to the sports channel, that i don't like. the first football match that i watched was when i was 15, it was the world cup then, and the match was between Germany and Saudi Arabia. The score was 8-0. that is when i realized that i have the ability, to watch football. i'm not addicted though. i just can watch it. i even know a couple of guys who can't. i don't have a team that i support like mad. i tend to support the team that my loved ones are supporting. i can't watch tennis though, i'd rather watch a hippo take a bath then watch tennis. anyway, i guess, what i'm trying to say here is,


wuhoo chelsea ;)

I Gotta Get Through This.

yay i made it through the day.

nope, no tears.

yet.

with the help of a bottle of coke, a lollypop and mp3 filled with cheery S Club 7 songs, i survived.

now i just have to keep on doing that,

for the next 84 days.

T___T

Suddenly Lewat.

by Wani Ardy

Suddenly I think of you

Suddenly you're everywhere

As I wake and as I sleep

Suddenly I dare to dream

Suddenly I sing of you

Suddenly against all odds

Found myself crossing the line

Suddenly I become blind

They wouldn't understand

You wouldn't comprehend

Even I surprise myself

Kau didepan mata

Kau selalu ada

Dunia kita beza

Suddenly I miss you when I'm not supposed to

And I'm afraid of losing something that's not even mine

Namun aku terlewat menyedarimu cinta

Terlewat melewati kita

Dan suddenly cinta, tiba lewat.

to u who just made my sundae special (",)

Try, Try, Try.

"i am selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times, hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you absolutely don't deserve me at my best..."

a dear friend of mine posted this as her status on facebook.

it has nothing to do with me, but the saying just caught my eye.

I'm not sure if she wrote it herself, or it's part of a lyrics or something.

i just want to say, that i have to disagree with it. i mean not with the friend, just with the words. selfish, impatient, insecure, makes mistake, are all human nature. i am too. we all are. but sometimes, just sometimes, u have to at least TRY to compromise. because newsflash, you're not living alone on this planet. try to think how your action is hurting people who are closes to u. tell me how is it fair when what you're doing is hurting those who cares about u?

"you always hurt the one you love,

the one you shouldn't hurt at all"

I'm beginning to doubt that song.

and those ppl who said that they needed time to think, what makes them think that when they decided that their "time" to think has finally ended, the other person will still be right where you left them 20 weeks ago, waiting?

in my opinion it is bullshit when ppl say that, because if something is really really worth it, you wouldnt have need time to think, you'd just grab at the opportunity.

"if we just try, try, try,

just to be nice, nice, nice,

the world would be a better place for you and i.

if we could just live our lives

putting our differences aside,

that would be so beautiful to me."

- Jason Mraz -

maybe it should be this way, "but if you can't even try to handle me at my worst, then you absolutely don't deserve me at my best."

god knows i've tried.

If I Give My Heart To You.

If I give my heart to you,
Will you handle it with care?
Will you always treat me tenderly
And in every way be fair.

If I give my heart to you
Will you give me all your love?
Will you swear that you'd be true to me
By the light that shine above.

Will you sigh with me when I'm sad,
Smile with me when I'm glad
And always be as you are with me tonight.

Think it over and be sure,
Please don't answer till you do,
When you promise all those things to me,
Then I'll give my heart to you.

by Doris Day

Diary.

u know what, i just realized something. ever since i created this blog, i stopped writing my diary! that explains why everything i posted here are full of emotion, things that u usually write in a diary, somewhere private, for your eyes only, not here. so that when you read back what you wrote in your diary, although u might feel like banging your head on the wall because of your stupidity, u won't feel so embarassed, because it's only you who have read it. that's what diaries are for. im sorry. i'll try to keep my feelings to myself and my dear diary in the future.

i like the song "diary" by Bread.

I wish I have a human thought translator. u know, like the one in the movie cartoon "Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatball". that is one hilarious cartoon by the way. well it's actually a monkey thought translator. it's a device to know what a monkey is thinking. but you can use it on human too. like when he used it on his dad. and then only he knows that his dad is actually proud of him but just never said it out loud. i would probably use it on men. it's just so hard to know what's going through that handsome head of theirs sometimes. those who said women are complicated creatures clearly havent met the opposite gender yet. women are not that hard to understand. if you wanna know what's truly in a women's heart, read her diary :)

Lost For Words.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

that practically summarizes the way i feel right now.

because if i were to put it in words what's on my mind right now it'll be this :

im a mess.not that i dont miss it all i do but we cant go back there just so we could make the same mistakes twice right.im broke.i want to give up but im still hanging onto a shred of hope.i miss home.im hungry.my thesis is no where near progression.i think i did pretty bad in my exams. i cant stop thinking about u.i need to do my laundry.i miss u. no not you.yeah you. wait maybe not.i dread my groupmates next week.i wanted to make pancakes but there's no nutella.if i dont see u im worried if i see u but i'd rather see u then not see u coz then i wont be worried bout not seeing u.thinking of taking the next flight home.the moon is full.i feel like cursing jpa u cant just leave us here in this god forsaken country with no money we would just go crazy imagine the cost u have to pay for our shrink if that happens. i want shinamon shticks. im really hungry.i need my dose of mcD. i just feel like crawling under covers and stay there till the night comes.i want my mommy.

so yeah,

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

It's My Party.

allow me to write something insignificant today. like my entries before this are not la kan :)) who cares, its my blog, and i'll cry if i want to.

i'm eating nestum for breakfast :D reminds me of my childhood days. my mom would feed me nestum or farley's rusk. the latter with milk =p~ i wish my mom would still lay my clothes out for me hehe

okei dah. :-B

It's My Party

by Leslie Gore

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to, cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you

Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone

But Judy left the same time

Why was he holding her hand

When he's supposed to be mine

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to, cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you

Then all my records keep dancing all night

But leave me alone for a while'

Til Johnny's dancing with me

I've got no reason to smile

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to, cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you

Judy and Johnny just walked thru the door

Like a queen with her king

Oh what a birthday surprise

Judy's wearing his ring

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to, cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you

A Whole New World.

a 16 yr old has a macbook.

an 8 yr old girl with 3 handphones.

a 4 yr old with a handphone!

a 12 yr old kid with iPod touch.

people my age using blackberrys, iPhone, dopod, etc

what is happening to the world??

;)



p/s i only own a 256mb mp3. ("_")

Que Sera, Sera.

i don't care what happened.

i don't care what will happen.

whatever it is these 2 precious souls mean the world to me. and i owe them big time. they helped me a lot through the years, they kept me from losing my sanity staying here, we had our share of laughter and tears.

and i know everything happens for a reason.

and i pray for the best,

for all of us.

Sad Movies.

lagu2 lama ni one of the reason why i like it is because the song itself sometimes is like a short story. quite a few yg lagu macam ni. for example :

1. Don't Cry Joni - Conway Twitty
2. Sad Movies - Sue Thompson
3. It's My Party - Leslie Gore
4. A Dear John Letter
5. Tell Laura I Love Her
6. Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree
7. Living Next Door To Alice - Smokie

This is a song called Sad Movies.

He said he had to work, so I went to the show alone,

They turned down the lights, and turned the projector on,

And just as the news of the world started to begin,

I saw my darling and my best friend walking in.

Although I was sitting right there they didn't see me.

And so they sat right down in front of me,

And when he kissed her lips I almost died.

And in the middle of the coloured cartoon I started to cry.

Oh Sad Movies always make me cry.

And so I got up and slowly I walked on home

And Mama saw the tears and said What's wrong?

And so just to keep from telling her a lie,

I just said "Sad movies makes me cry"

very nice song, pity her though.. so far lagu baru yg mcm a cerita and i like is Love Story by Taylor Swift.

Save The Best For Last.

sometimes, in life, u don't get what you want.

and u'll feel dissapointed, u just don't understand why things are the way they are, you'll feel like running around breaking things, throwing tantrum just about everywhere you could, and scream whyyyyyyy, whyyyy Georgia why.

at a time like this that it is very important to remember that it's okei, and it's because God has a better plan for you. He's got something better in store just for you.

You might say, no no thank u but I don't want anything better, I'd be happy settling with this one, with its flaws and all.

And that is where you are wrong o ignorant naive one, because

nobody,

nobody my dear but He,

knows what's best for you.

Holiday.

the highlights of my last holiday:

1. raya in Taiping

2. Bab's 60th birthday

3. Raya open house. thanks to Jue, Shikin, Shuhada, Mat, Iqbar and his friend Fuad for coming:)

4. Zouk's wedding 26.09.09

5. the memorable weekend.

6. the ugly truth.

7. taking Firas and Ammani out to Penang. Singing 'you belong with me-taylor swift' out loud in the car, not forgetting the hand gesture :)) took crazy pictures on the ferry.

8. walked from OU to the curve with Firas and Ammani. Played basketball. Saw a very boring movie, Ammani slept halfway:))

9. hair saloon with Firas.

10. facial sessions with Firas =))

11. Ferringhi Beach.

I need another holiday.

The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore.

i loveeeeeeeee James Morrison's songs. I just loveeeeeeeeee them, especially the ones in his album "Songs For You, Truths For Me". It's just that the lyrics are just so meaningful, i like the way he puts feelings into words, MY feelings to be exact. it's like he knew what's in me (boo. corny. leaves the room). now i know what roberta flack meant when she sang

"I felt he found my letters, and read each one out loud....killing me softly
with his songs."

below are parts of lyrics from his songs that i love:

"and if you stay with me, honestly, that's what I want,
but if you stay with me, i know i ask too much."

"Boy it hit me like a hurricane when u left me
But I'd do it all again for u
Walk a thousand miles on broken glass
It won't stop me
From making my way back to you
Nothing ever hurt like you"

"Well I can't explain, why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
If you leave me now, just leave me now
It's the better thign to do
Its time to surender
Were too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore"

"If you don't want me to leave,
Then don't push me away.."

"For every piece of me that wants you,
another piece backs away.."

"The truth hurts,
A lie's worse"

"How can I give anymore,
When I love you a little less then before.."

"When my head is strong,
but my heart is weak.."

"You're shining in the distance,
I hope I can make it through
Coz the only olace i wanna be
Is right back home with you.."

"This could be nothing,
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
Coz someday I might know my heart..."

"If it's gonna be a rainy day,
There's nothing we can do to stop the rain,
we can pray for sunny weather,
But that won't stop the rain.."

"You see life is a crazy thing,
There'll be good times and there'll be bad times,
And everything in between.."

"I try to hold on but it's not enough,
I try to forgive, but it's not enough
to make it all okei..."

"You can't play on broken strings,
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel..."

"I'm gonna stay,
You can't push me too far,
There's no place in my heart,
Where I don't want to love you.."

"Dream on Hayley,
Don't look down,
There's nothing here for you to see.."

"If this is where we ended up,
If everything I have is gone,
Then I refuse to be so hard on myself this time..."

"I'm gonna fix the world up for you.."

All In Love Is Fair.

so we had a practical session just now, where we were given a case, and each of us were given a role to act based on the case.

i was the judge.

and i had a great time having able to say the things that judges usually say in the movies:

"the court calls upon the suspect to the stand"

"overruled"

"sustained"

"order in my court!"

"the court finds Mr X, not gulity"

all those times watching law and order, ally mcBeal, eli stone, finally paid off :)

Dream, Dream, Dream.

Have u ever felt as though your life is a dream?

that you'll wake up at some point,

realize that it was all just one hell of a nightmare,

everything will be back to normal,

and the world would make sense again.

Not Ready For Goodbye.

as u all know, there was an earthquake in Padang, Indonesia some time back. And although, my place in Jogjakarta (which is on a different island all together), was not affected, a lot of people called in, actually they called my mom, asking if i'm okei. Thanks ppl, although the ones who called are those i've never ever spoken more than 2 words with my whole life, i. e. my neighbour's family, my mother's second cousin, my neighbour's sister, my dad's friend, etc. Thanks for your concern, as of now, I'm still very much alive, hoorey

but....

u know how i hated when my holidays end, and i have to go back there, well this time it's different, I REALLLLLLLY DON'T WANT TO go back there! like reallllllly realllllly. I have not much to look forward to anymore I must say, and plus with this current stupid issues indonesia is having with malaysia, i really dont have the mood to go backkkk. not even the slightest bit. okei fine, maybe there's 5 percent hope left somewhere if i concentrate hard enough on the positive things. seeing the footage of the earthquake in Padang, with the people trapped under the rubble, i just couldnt help but think that that could have been me *gulp*knock on wood*

anyway, i guess there's nothing i can do. complainin' ain't gonna stop the rainin' right. fine, might as well accept the inevitable, so folk's im going back this Sunday. To those that i met up during my holidays, thanks a lot. you guys made it special :) to those whom I didn't get the oppurtunity to meet, im sooooooooo sorry. trust me i realllly want to, but time was not on our side. maybe next time huh :) anyway, pray for my safety people (yeah like i'm leaving for war only).



----------------
Now playing: All-4-One - Not Ready For Goodbye
via FoxyTunes

A Song For You.

if there is one song i'd like to sing at the top of my lungs right now, it would be this:

I can't sleep
Everything I ever knew
Is a lie without you

I can't breathe
When my heart is broke in two
There's no beat, without you

You're not gone, but you're not here
Is this the way it seems tonight
If we could try to win these wars
I think that we could make it right
Coz baby

I don't want to fight no more
I've forgotten what we were fighting for
And the loneliness that's in my heart
Won't let me be apart from you
I don't want to have to try
To live without you in my life
So, I'm hoping we can start tonight
Coz, I don't want to fight no more.
please.



----------------
Now playing: Westlife - I Don't Want To Fight No More
via FoxyTunes

You've Got A Friend.

i dedicate this song to all my friends, especially to Farah Hanani, hehe thanks farah sbb paham aku. be strong dear, you're not alone, we're in this together. here for you all the wayyy. love u!

It Sure Took A Long Time To Miss Me.

i just witnessed something wonderful.

earlier today while watching TV, my mother said that lately she's been thinking about her bestfriend when she was still in RPS (Raja Perempuan School, Ipoh). She asked me if there's any way she could get her friend's contact details through the net. so i googled the name, and with much difficulty (had to search for her sister who we found out is a datin now working in Jabatan Pendidikan), and through her we got my mother's bestfriend's number. and she called her. you should have listened to the phone conversation. it was really touching! she almost cried, i almost cried! because i was imagining me, 30 years from now, will my friends still remember me? huuu... apparently they havent seen each other for more than 30 years. it was a wonderful feeling, helping my mother traced her long lost friend back.


the other day my dad brought us to go see an old school mate of his, they last saw each other 40 years ago. it was really nice seeing them talked bout old times. Uncle said my dad used to create havoc in the classroom! i find that hard, very hard, to believe.

I could tell this uncle must be one handsome dude back then. heee

so u see, old people berusaha cari kawan2 dorg yang dh lama x jumpa.

whereas us, we simply end friendships with people who's right in front of us like it meant nothing. tak rasa sayang? yang ada depan mata tak nak kawan pulak. wtfish??

have people forgotten the value of good friendship? why? why do we have to experience lost to know just how much it means to us?

what if it's too late?



----------------
Now playing: Lobo - it sure took a long time to miss me
via FoxyTunes

Girl Of Constant Sorrow.

im trying really
really
really
really
hard to write about something cheerful for a change.
really
but i'm drawing a blank..
how can i write bout rainbows and sunshine when all im feeling inside is thunderstorms and rain.
okei let me try again
..............
.............
................
...............
come on i can do this
.............
.............
i think im getting something
............
............
happy thoughts now, happy thoughts
............
...........
ha! isnt it funny, my happy thoughts now all causes me to be sad, snap.



----------------
Now playing: Bob Dylan - bob dylan - man of constant sorrow
via FoxyTunes

Love Story.

06/10/2009

2 years back today she made a promise to a man. It was a cold calm night, and love was in the air. She's been feeling down for quite some time, she had just been through rough patches in her life, and he was just there at the right time, at the right place. Like a knight, she'd like to think, coming to save her from her heartache she was having, to keep her from drowning in her own tears, in short to bring her back to life. She knows that now, that is exactly why God sent her this sweet, noble, caring man even if it was just for awhile. Because that is just what she needed. A strong figure for her to lean on, to call her own. The sense of belonging to someone. To get her faith in love back in her soul. And so, on that memorable magical night, she made a promise, she promised to learn to love him if he would do the same in return. Because she knew so little of him at that time, and yet she felt like she could trust him. She knew, somewhere among the broken pieces of her heart she just knew, that his intention was pure, and he'll never ever hurt her. And with that instinct she made the promise. And for two years she did try to love him, she did everything within her power to mend her broken heart so that she could give it to him whole, she did try to make him be the one, the only one, the last one. But she failed. She did love him, but she didn't love him enough. It's not that she had broken the promise that she made, she did tried as promised, but fate has better things in store for them. The path that they walked down that night was not the wrong one, it just led them to a different place. A place where they have to go on their separate ways. And as the saying goes, it's not the destination that matters, it's the journey. And a beautiful journey it was. Today, the man is no longer hers to call upon. Today, the man is free from the bitterness of her heart. Today, she is alone.

Fairy Tale.

So I was watching my favourite TV show The Nanny series back-to-back on Hallmark just now, and i really love something sweet 6 year old little Gracie said to Nanny Fine.



Nanny Fine : And so the beautiful Snow White and the handsome Prince Charming lived happily ever after.
Gracie : Boy this story really screws with woman's mind.




Nanny Fine

Gracie Sheffield

haha oh so true.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106080/


----------------
Now playing: Toni Braxton - Fairy Tale
via FoxyTunes

Once When I Was Little.

Once When I Was Little

I was the one who would always jump in first
Didn't think twice to look behind
Got such a feeling, just from playing in the dirt
Once, when I was little

We could build a rocket, fly to the moon

Leave Tuesday morning, and be back for noon

There wasn't nothing that we couldn't do

Once, when I was little

I used to feel so strong

Even when they tell me I was wrong

That I can't live in a magic world

Cause it's time for me to grow up

That I got to be like the rest of them

When I know they're acting up

Once, when I was little

I could dream more then

Yeah I believed more then

That the world could only get better

I could be free more then

I could pretend more then

That this life could only show me good times

Once when I was little...

by James Morrison